It seems like I am innately lonely. Don't get me wrong, I love meeting friends, meeting new people and having people around. My lonely switch flips to 'on' without warning and I am the quietest person in a social situation. It's as if I held a party and I decide to back out last minute. Not voluntarily. Abducted, pretty much.
I hate it. It's as if I have to solely depend on others to aid this but I am never mentally present when it happens. Hence, I'd much rather stay home and brood over it. Solitude is comforting.
My loneliness doesn't hide in my closet. It shows on my face. It's not you, it's me. I don't need something to help with it. Rather, I be alone and it helps because it's back to status quo. Ahh, peace and quiet.
Somehow I convinced myself that I needed to be with others to feel less lonely. Yet, it doesn't help. (니가 있어도 baby I'm so lonelylonelylonelylonelaaaay)
This whole posts contradicts itself because I hate being lonely but I like to be alone.
I'm so damn lost. Is everyone supposed to figure themselves out at 21? Please tell me there's an app I can install to sort out my s
hit. 21 year olds are apparently supposed to be full of drive and following their ~dreams~ yet I'm here worrying that I don't even have hobbies.